How Can You Conflict Better?

Often times, there is one partner who wants to “keep at it” in the heat of the moment when the other partner pulls away increasing dysregulation and disconnection in times of distress. This common theme of relational distress can be referred to as anxious/avoidant attachment or the pursuer/withdrawer. The person who needs more auto-regulation (islands) need more space and independence before coming back to attachment whereas the individual who experiences larger emotions (waves) oftentimes needs co-regulation to be able to more effectively attach. This creates conflict. The push-pull dynamic is the nervous system reacting to the fearful state being experienced. 

There is a rightful place for both waves and islands to exist with one another and by addressing feelings, data, requests, and recommitments we aim to reduce damaging storms from occurring.

The Science of InterPersonal Neurobiology

explained in further detail

and how it translates into the counseling experience

Your Brain at Rest

When our brains are calm and have minimal amounts of stress, our experiences in our lives seem to go pretty well and things feel as if they are generally working out. A calm brain allows for the ability to problem solve and regulate our emotions both individually and relationally while increasing sensitivity, compassion and empathy.

Your Brain on Stress or Conflict

When stress and conflict increases, the ability for the brain to regulate decreases. As stress and conflict replicates trauma in the brain, this then impacts our ability to connect within our relationships. Our prefrontal cortex is our highest functioning part of the brain where we manage our higher functioning skills to navigate  complex work in our day to day lives. When we have a strong emotion(s) we lose the ability to access the prefrontal cortex which leads us into our mid-brains (limbic system) down into our nervous system where the relating or responding to threats occur. Our autonomic nervous system flips on our arousal state (commonly referred to as our fight, flight, freeze response) in reaction to the emotions we may feel, such as anger or fear. This is our survival mechanism happening in real time where the only concern for our brains is to survive the perceived threat (real or otherwise). 

As complex as we all are, we can’t focus on higher brain functioning and survival at the same time.

You Can Expect To…..

• Increase tangible skills for regulation 

• Understand when you and or your partner’s brains are dysregulated 

• Understand and feel more confident within navigating neurodiversity 

• Increase awareness on the impact of your nervous system in and out of conflict 

• Reflect and refocus on what you can gain during times of conflict to increase relationship growth and strength 

Which Can Lead To…..

• Coming back to one another quicker 

• Responding more appropriately

• Increased empathy and compassion 

• Increased understanding with a decrease in excuses 

Logical and Emotional Health

As I integrate Interpersonal Neurobiology with other evidenced-based modalities, we will begin to work with the whole picture increasing effectiveness in working towards your goals and increased emotional health. A thorough assessment on how conflict arises, takes place, and settles while attending to the emotional impact is where most of our time will be spent. 

Neurodiversity

Interpersonal Neurobiology can effectively assist individuals and couples navigating presenting neuro-diversities such as ADHD, autism, and dyslexia, among others. Those with neurodiverse brains tend to process information differently than a ‘neurotypical brain’. As individuals and couples take time to work and connect within their neurodivergent minds and their emotional regulation skills, an increase of empathy and relational satisfaction can grow as we attend to the uniqueness that we hold. Interpersonal neurobiology can help individuals and couples increase those tangible and actionable skills while fine tuning who we are and how we show up and attach to the world and relationships. 

What About Individuals?

Can This Be Helpful For Me?

Working within interpersonal neurobiology can be very impactful and beneficial throughout your individual therapy as we are in relationship with everyone in our lives within the work place, partners, friendships and family. Through this work we can begin to unpack and understand ourselves in ways that enhance our lived experience and shared intimacy and connection.

Let’s Get Started

Click the link below to schedule your free, no-obligation 20 minute virtual consultation and see how Jake and Interpersonal Neurobiology can help you